Emily Post Would Unfollow Your Brand

Marketing technology and automation was supposed to make us better listeners. Instead, it's made us better at interrupting.

Before AI, before programmatic, before we made the simple art of conversation impossibly complex, there was Emily Post.

Long before the 4Ps, before the marketing funnel, before impressions and engagement and every other permutation of marketing terminology and tool, we had fundamental principles of human dialogue.

"There is no mystery about being a good conversationalist," wrote Emily in her 1922 bestseller "Etiquette." "Listen to others, never miss the chance to say a kind thing, avoid monopolizing the conversation, and never interrupt."

A century later, it seems marketing still hasn't absorbed these fundamental lessons of human dialogue. We've worked so hard since 1922 to make marketing as complex as possible, when the truth of things is that people prefer to talk to people, not brands. And the reason is simple - people listen, show empathy, react and build the conversation. They show kindness and encouragement. They sense when they are not welcome.

And these conversations happen in real time. In the now. The participants are present, listening and engaging and adding.

This is not true of brands. Our industry talks endlessly about "conversation," "engagement," and "dialogue." Yet most marketing behaves like that person at a dinner party who interrupts constantly, repeats the same story regardless of others' interest, and seems pathologically incapable of reading the room.

The marketing industry has perfected the art of reaching people who don't want to hear from us. Quite an achievement.

Now it doesn't have to be that way. It's time we return to those century-old principles of good conversation. Not just as metaphor, but as practical framework for modern marketing. Because for the first time, technology actually enables us to be the considerate dinner guest that Post envisioned – at scale.

Our industry has mastered the art of talking. What we've forgotten is the art of conversation. Here are the four deadly sins of modern marketing dialogue:

Post warned that "no one should ever take possession of a conversation as though it were a lecture platform." Yet marketing has built entire channels around interruption. We place pre-roll ads before content people actually want to watch. We interrupt social feeds with promotional content. We even call it "interruption marketing" without apparent irony (my daughter once told a friend that her Dad makes "you know those 'skip ads'")

"The first ingredient for being a good conversationalist is to listen with attention," Post advised. How many brands truly listen before speaking? We push out campaigns on rigidly planned schedules, regardless of audience signals. We stick to our messaging scripts even when engagement metrics scream that no one cares.

Post emphasized the importance of "having something interesting to say." Yet how often do we simply repeat the same message across channels? The same creative, reformatted endlessly, pushed out regardless of context or response. Would you keep telling the same story at a party if people were walking away?

"Nothing makes for such agreeable conversation as the ability to enter genuinely into the interests of others," Post noted. Marketing automation was supposed to enable personalization. Instead, it often means more efficiently deploying tone-deaf messaging that shows zero understanding of audience context or needs. My dad said it best: "the lowest form of listening is waiting to speak".

The ultimate irony? The same technology that turned us into conversational boors now offers our path to redemption. For the first time, AI and real-time systems give us the ability to actually listen, adapt, and respond at scale.

We've built systems to engage audiences in "real-time" - optimizing media placements in milliseconds. Yet our messages remain firmly stuck in the broadcast era - one-way, generic, and tone-deaf to the very signals our technology so brilliantly captures.

Real-time media without real-time messaging is like having a perfect ear for conversation, but only being able to recite pre-planned phrases. We're failing the core principle of good communication: responsiveness.

But all that is changing.

The emergence of Generative AI and agentic studios is revolutionizing not just where and when brands engage, but how. For the first time, technology enables marketing to adapt its core messages in real-time, just as it has long adjusted media placement.

This isn't about chatbots or social media quips. It's a fundamental shift in how brands behave. From broadcasting at audiences to conversing with them. From planning campaigns to orchestrating always-on dialogue. From pushing generic creative to crafting contextual content.

It means:

1. From Calendar to Context: Traditional marketing follows the campaign calendar. Real-time brands follow the contours of culture and conversation - drawing from and contributing to culture in real time

2. From Optimization to Adaptation: We've mastered real-time media optimization. Now AI enables real-time message adaptation, dynamically rendering your next contribution to the conversation.

3. From Control to Orchestration: Command-and-control campaign management gives way to fluid orchestration of content and context, as I wrote about last week - the power of Orchestration as the new creativity.

This creates a true conversation loop – one where technology enables rather than inhibits natural dialogue.

1. Nike's Real-Time Response Studio: Not just pushing campaigns, but maintaining genuine dialogue with audiences. Their creative and messaging adapt to cultural moments and community signals in real-time - moving from campaign planning to cultural orchestration.

2. Spotify's Wrapped: Shows deep listening and understanding of individual behavior, turning cold data into warm, personal insights that feel more like a friend's observation than a marketing message. They've mastered the art of making data feel human.

3. Mastercard's Priceless Platform: Goes beyond traditional campaign thinking to create an ongoing dialogue about what people truly value. They've evolved from telling stories about priceless moments to actively enabling and participating in them. Their shift from transaction-focused marketing to experience-centered conversations shows what happens when a brand stops interrupting culture and starts contributing to it.

Emily Post's principles weren't just good manners - they were good business. A century later, technology finally lets us apply them at scale. The question is: are we ready to stop talking at people and start conversing with them?

Imagine a world where brands are welcomed into conversations. Where people actively seek out brand perspectives and insights. Where marketing shifts from interruption to invitation.

That world is within reach. By embracing Post's timeless principles – empathy, respect, adaptability, and genuine interest in others – and harnessing technology's power to apply them at scale, we can create marketing that doesn't just speak, but truly converses.

Brandflow is written by Justin Billingsley, who has spent his career on all three sides of the industry's table: senior client, global agency leader, technology founder. First published 22 January 2025 in the Brandflow newsletter on LinkedIn.